Excerpts from: The Bert Hellinger Institute of Western Pennsylvania
FREQUENTLY
ASKED QUESTIONS
WHAT ARE THE IMPORTANT EVENTS IN MY FAMILY?
In a Family
Constellation, we look at the tragedies in a family that can be
affecting subsequent generations. Looking back three or four
generations, we ask: Who died early? Who left? Who was abandoned,
isolated or excluded from the family? Who was adopted or who gave a
child up for adoption? Who died in childbirth? Who had a stillborn birth
or an abortion? Who was murdered or murdered someone? Who committed
suicide? Who suffered in war? Who profited from another's loss? Who may
have been wrongly accused for something? Who was jailed or
institutionalized? Who had a physical, emotional or mental disability?
Who died in or participated in the holocaust? And so on. Most
importantly, we see how family members whose fates were too difficult to
bear have deeply impacted our families. We see how our parents may be
carrying a heavy burden from the previous generation. We ask: Is our way
of belonging in our family to carry this same burden?
BUT I'VE DISTANCED MYSELF FROM MY PARENTS. WHAT'S MY NEXT STEP?
Much of our suffering comes from a deep, and often blind, love for our
parents and families. In an innocent way, we imagine that we can somehow
alleviate the "family" pain and unhappiness by sharing it with them. But
this fantasized thinking only leads to more pain. Sometimes, we reject
or distance ourselves from our parents in an attempt to feel free. Yet
that only causes more suffering. The path toward true peace is to make
peace with our parents, even if they are deceased. Family Constellation
Work can make that possible.
HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILDREN?
When there exists an excluded member in our family, someone whose fate
was too painful to bear a perpetrator, a failure, an
alcoholic, a dead child the next generation often tries to
bring what's excluded to awareness by continuing the suffering. But when
we love and consent to our parents and families as they are, recognizing
and honoring their fate as it was, this has a positive effect on us, and
indirectly upon our children, who now may feel more free from having to
carry our heaviness for us.
IS THIS A SHORT-TERM THERAPY?
A Family Constellation can be a one-time, therapeutic intervention that
does not necessarily require ongoing therapy.
WHO WOULD BENEFIT FROM THIS WORK?
Anyone who suffers from depression, anxiety, meaninglessness, obsessive
thoughts, fears, phobias, guilt, persistent anger, lingering grief,
chronic pain, illnesses, psychosomatic diseases, reproductive health
issues, failed relationships, family violence, addictions, etc.